Affirmations and Gratitude

Since I read 'The Secret' I have been writing a list of what I'm grateful for nearly every evening and I believe it works in helping me to feel more positive and happy. It also makes me more aware of all the good things in my life no matter how small, and it has turned me into a 'glass is half full' person.


The other thing that I have read about but not so much practised (until the holiday), is affirmations. These are positive sayings that you repeat over and over anytime; for example an affirmation for abundance could be 'The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful' or an affirmation for self esteem could be 'When I believe in myself, so do others'. So on holiday when I thought that perhaps the symptoms could be something other than PMT or holiday excess, I started my own type of affirmation. Whenever I felt negative I started muttering to myself - saying three baby names over and over, names that we would possibly call our child. It really helped and made me smile.
Hubby only caught me talking to myself once but as Monday (scan day) draws nearer I'm sure he won't mind my ramblings and will possibly even join in!

Dr's, Prof's, FS's and Clinics

So I am on day 3 of 20mg prednisolone (steroid). I was given it to take from the day of transfer for my last IVF (but we never got that far!). It is suppose to help stop my immune system from attacking the baby in these early stages.

We emailed our Fertility Specialist to see if he thought that taking the steroid was the right thing to do still, and he has forwarded our email to the Professor who recommended it in the first place and we are waiting to hear from her. The FS also recommended an early scan which I have booked for Monday which is probably too early (I'll be 5 weeks 4 days) but Hubby is off and he HAS to be with me! We're having it done at the Fertility Clinic and will probably have to pay £120 but at least I can get some answers from the nurses I know there and pass on a message to the FS if need be.

I went to the GP yesterday - unfortunately a new one as we have moved out of the catchment area for my usual one which I am gutted about as they would have done blood tests for me and might have gotten me a scan for free. Anyway, the doctor I saw was very nice but did not understand why I was taking the steroid and such a high dose and was not prepared to prescribe any more for me! What she did say though was to have the scan on Monday and see if the clinic/FS is going to continue with my care, find out if I should be taking the steroid and if they'll prescribe more, find out if I will be going to that hospital for maternity or if I should go to the nearer one that she would normally send me to, then I am give her a ring and she will write to whichever consultant who will be looking after me rather than just handing me over to the midwife as I will need closer care.

So it's all happening! Roll on 2:45 Monday!

How did it happen?

Since our last IVF cycle we moved into our new house and have been really busy trying to sort things out and get straight.  We hadn't given up on TTC but we weren't really thinking about it, so I didn't even know what cycle day I was on for most of the month and I had no idea when I ovulated or if we had even done the deed at the right time! Before we go off on holiday I packed sanitary towels 'just in case' and for some reason I decided to throw in a cheap pregnancy test.


So we're having a great holiday but as it goes on I had no sign of the witch and had some symptoms that could have been PMT or even just because I was on hols and eating and drinking too much and staying up late etc.


I decided not to mention anything to Hubby until the last morning. I didn't tell him and went into the loo and did the test and the 2nd line came up within 10 seconds! But then I read the test instructions and it said if the line wasn't as dark or darker than the control line then it is negative and mine wasn't quite as dark. Luckily I have used these before and only got a faint line with the IVF HCG trigger in me, so to have such a good line was fab.


I went back into the bedroom and said to Hubby "we're taking an extra souvenir home with us!"  and showed him the test - we were both crying with happiness and then proceeded to ring our families from abroad.

I did an expensive test when we got home from hols at 2am and the test line was darker than the control and the next morning I did a digital test and it said pregnant 1-2 weeks. I did a supermarket test today and that had a good line on it too!

Test 1

Tests 2 & 3

Test 4

The Positive Cycle

Our Halloween holiday was the best! We went as a duo and came home as a threesome!

I am PREGNANT - naturally!

Mother Nature

I had such a good time at my Birthday bash, well that was until the end of the evening when I went to the loo and I saw my wee was pink - I had forgotten that it is almost time for the witch to rear her ugly head! But it made me think again about my want and need to become a Mother. My maternal instinct is still as strong as ever. I have all this love inside of me that is completely different from the love I have for Hubby, family and friends. This love I have inside of me is so strong and is waiting to burst out. The only way I can describe its ferocity is, if my baby was a huge gorilla (which I sincerely hope it won't be in any way), I would be able to squeeze it in a hug so tight until I felt spent and all my love had been transferred.

Another Year Passes

Today is my Birthday and I am 39!

According to Dr. David Adamson, president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine "The average 39-year-old woman has half the fertility she had at 31, and between 39 and 42, the chances of conceiving drop by half again". Oh, something to look forward to then!

On the positive side, I am only one year off having the option of having 3 embryos put back:

http://www.hfea.gov.uk/ivf-embryo-transfer.html - "If you are 40 or over, a maximum of three embryos can be used"

No matter how old I am when I have my baby(s) I will still be young at heart and try my best to be a fun Yummy Mummy!

Update

So the boring bit of the cycle is out of the way and my body has had a few weeks to adjust to the new pills. I decided to poas from CD11 and sure enough I had to keep going for 8 days and finally those two darks lines showed up on the cheap test stick yesterday - let the baby making begin!


As for the DHEA, let's recap some of the positives from taking it: 

• Improved overall feeling - I am a lot more positive these days, does that count?
• Physically stronger - I've not been at the weights to test this.
• Improved sex drive - still waiting and praying for this one to kick in!
• Mentally sharper and Better memory - I can't remember if this has happened!

And let's recap on some of the possible side effects :

• Fine facial hair - could someone please tell me if my moustache is any worse?
• A slight deepening of voice - no Adam's Apple growing!
• Acne, particularly on the back - not on the back but spots along my hairline which could remain hidden by my fringe if I didn't pick them! 
• Perspiration- I'm no Sweaty Betty!
• Hair thinning/loss - in the last couple of days I have noticed more hair loss when combing, so I'm going to keep an eye on that but like Hubby says " better to be bald and pregnant" !!!

The main thing is my sleep, the Melatonin helps me to sleep heavily for the first part, so until about 4.30am but then it is a battle to get back to sleep and remain so. It is a very restless night with loads of dreams - none of them good! But strangely I don't go around feeling knackered all day?

But there is a positive in all this - the pills I bought from an online store in the USA are actually the real deal!