Day 5 Scan

Had a day 5 scan today and all is good. My womb lining is already 7mm so well on it's way to be lovely and plump, ready for an embryo to implant in! I also have two good size follicles on each ovary about 9/10mm.
I have to do a shot of 75iu Menopur on CD5, CD7 and CD11. Then on CD11 I go to the clinic for a follicle scan and they will say then whether we are ready for IUI or if we need to do more shots or wait a couple of days.

Glad all is well so far!

IUI attempt #4

So I started the cloimd on CD2 and got a stinking headache that pain killers couldn't fix, and all night I was sweating and sort of shivering! Oh well, all for a good cause!

I have a scan on CD5 to see if any follicles have started to grow and if I need to do injections as well as the clomid.

I'm glad we were able to do the IUI this cycle as it keeps me focused and upbeat to know we are TTC and doing all we can.

Stress Boxes

Yesterday morning I got a call from the screening midwife at the hospital and she was very nice. She rang to discuss the results letter I got on Saturday. She was going to offer us blood tests but we have had these and we don't have any chromosomal abnormalities that we could pass on to our child. She said next time I am pregnant I should give her a call and arrange a dating scan for around 8-9 weeks so that we can discuss screening options and get ready before the 12 week mark. This is because there is a slightly higher chance that we could have another baby with a chromosome problem. I would have had screening anyway because of my age but I am glad that I have the option to check things out as early as possible.

It's still all very upsetting and if I look at it without trying to be positive the stress levels instantly rise! So I have decided to put all TTC related stress into boxes and only open them and deal with them one piece at a time.

Stress Box #1: Getting Pregnant. We are 4 years into our quest for a baby. Having taken 2.5 years to get pregnant since the last miscarriage my first stress has to be getting pregnant again - nothing else matters!

Stress Box #2: Staying pregnant. I can't worry about this one until I'm pregnant! There isn't much I can do about this one anyway. I eat healthily and wouldn't drink or smoke and would do gentle or no exercise until past the first trimester. I would follow any doctors or midwife's orders and take any meds necessary. I'm still going to have loads of scans though, no matter what anyone says!

Stress Box #3:  Screening processes. I'm not even going to think about this at the moment. All I'm going to do about this is look into it when I know the baby is still alive before the scan at 8weeks.

No more boxes for now!

Womb Biopsy for Uterine Natural Killer Cells

Hubby was working away so I bravely went to the clinic by myself. I was told that the Professor was running over an hour late and another doctor could do the biopsy if I wanted. I said I didn't mind another doctor doing it but I still wanted to wait and talk to the Prof. Then I almost panicked because the Prof does these all the time but it might not be a common procedure for the other doctors! Anyway, they told the Prof I would wait for her.

Eventually all the staff at the clinic went home apart from the Prof and a doctor working with her. It got down to another couple and myself and we started talking as it was their first time to the clinic and they didn't know where the toilets where and her husband nearly went in the ladies. Their appointment was before mine but the doctor called me in first. I asked the Prof if she shouldn't see the other couple first in all fairness and she said "there's another couple?" she was having a bad day!

The Prof said I was a complicated case and she was amazed that I got pregnant naturally with a low egg reserve and my other problems. I asked her if she thought that I might have got pregnant through taking DHEA which acts like a steroid, and then remained pregnant for longer than normal because I was on proper steroids. She agreed that this could have been the case but she isn't very familiar with DHEA but lots of ladies have been mentioning it to her.We also talked about the biopsy and she explained that they are using it as a kind of treatment too, see the article below to see what I'm on about:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2076274/Plastic-wand-double-chances-pregnant.html

Next the Prof scanned me. She said I had lovely womb lining, all ready for a biopsy. As we were looking at the screen the other doctor whispered to her and she asked me if I had very painful periods. She explained that the doctor had just completed a 2 year degree in sonography/scanning and he could see some of my endometriosis. They explained that around my lining were the womb muscles and some endometriosis was in the muscles - where it can't be removed. She was worried that the biopsy may hurt a bit more because of the endo!

The biopsy itself was quite painful. At first I thought it wasn't too bad but I didn't realise that they hadn't actually got the straw like device through my cervix yet! When it did go through, my womb started cramping. Then, as they sort of scraped the womb lining with the straw for a minute or so, it was a very unpleasant feeling (but not as painful as what I went through on Christmas Eve!).

I rested for a few minutes and as soon as I left the clinic I gobbled down a Twix - the chocolate surge would surely but me back in a happy frame of mind!

The results take about 4-5 weeks and the Prof will email me and arrange a telephone consultation to discuss them and any treatment if necessary.

Results

Saturday's post brought the letter I wanted but was dreading - the results from the analysis of 'the products of conception'. I was crying before we read the letter knowing that it doesn't matter what it says because the whole situation is so sad and unfair!

The baby wasn't genetically normal and that is why the pregnancy didn't progress.

It doesn't necessarily mean that this will happen again but the fact that my eggs are old means that there is more chance of infertility or miscarriage:

How does Egg Quality affect Fertility?Egg quality has a huge impact on your fertility. If you have poor quality eggs, you will probably have a difficult time getting pregnant and staying pregnant. The impact of poor quality eggs is reflected in the general decline in pregnancy rates as women age. Women between the ages of 15 and 25 have a 40% chance of conceiving every cycle. Women who are over 40 however, have less than a 25% chance of becoming pregnant naturally. This is due to the fact that women who are older tend to have fewer eggs and eggs of a poorer quality.
Poorer quality eggs can be one of the major causes of infertility in a number of ways. Firstly, poor quality eggs can make conceiving a child very difficult. If a baby is conceived, a poor quality egg can make the difference between carrying your baby to term or losing it in the first few weeks. Many poor quality eggs do not implant properly into the uterus once they are fertilized. Others implant properly but are simply not healthy enough to grow and divide, resulting in a miscarriage.

http://www.fertilityfactor.com/infertility_egg_quality.html

Reading all this you may ask 'why bother' but our need for a child keeps us going, and we try to stay positive and hope that we beat the odds and get lucky.

Plan B's

I've been thinking too much and going over things a lot lately. I'm starting to stress a bit and almost panic. I realise it is because the letter with the results from the testing of 'The Products of Conception' is due - they said it would take between 6 and 8 weeks.

I realise that I've put a lot of pressure on myself hoping that this cycle ends with a positive result. I'm thinking that a positive result will make me feel like a 'normal' woman who can get pregnant as nature intended. Whereas I'm seeing a negative result as the start of another long slog of trying.

So as usual I have to have a plan B if this cycle doesn't work. My plan B as of this morning was another attempt at IUI. Last year our 3rd attempt at IUI ended with me over-stimulating and I had too many follicles for the cycle to go ahead and so I am entitled to another go. I responded well to clomid and with me taking all my vits etc it might actually work.
I've rang the clinic and spoke to a nurse and they want me to go in for fresh bloods, swabs and refresher training about it all. This is fine with me but the nurse wanted me to ring the reception to get an appointment. Why couldn't she have helped me with this? Getting the receptionists to answer the phone and give me an appointment is like trying to get blood from a stone! I know they are busy but the clinic really needs to sort this out! So I have left a message and now I wait and wait and wait!

Another Plan B if it doesn't work is to go to the GP and see if they will prescribe Clomid and if they won't can they refer me to the clinic so that they can. Also while I'm there I'll ask the GP for a referral to have the op to remove the endo seeing as how the FS hasn't replied to my email.

Also after the biopsy if this cycle is negative I am going to go back on the DHEA.

You have to have a Plan B, just in case!

Yipee - Positive Ovulation Test!

So perseverance paid off and I got a positive ovulation test yesterday! Yipee! Shame Hubby is away so we can't  'do it' at my most fertile time! But we're hoping that our practise sessions up to the test will be enough.

In the meantime I have been in contact with Professor Q about the womb biopsy and she got back to me straight away and I'm having that done next Monday. So we will soon know if I have a high number of Uterine Natural Killer Cells.

I was worried that the professor wouldn't be able to the biopsy this cycle because I don't think she has had my GP referral yet but she hasn't mentioned it.

Speaking of GPs, last Thursday a GP rang me at home to discuss things. She said they would refer me to Prof Q and asked how was I doing. She was very nice but I was annoyed that they hadn't actually arranged the referral yet! She also asked me if there was anything else she could help me with - a perfect opportunity for me to ask about several things! But I just said no, I was ok thanks! Dohh!

Plans for 2012

Plan #1 Get pregnant with a forever baby
Plan #2 Get on with other plans in the meantime!

In the meantime plan #1 Make sure referral for Prof Q has happened
In the meantime plan #2 Get a referral to have endo removed
In the meantime plan #3 Lose 9lb and tone up
In the meantime plan #4 Cook more for Hubby like a proper housewife!

Please note that these plans are subject to change and can be added to/erased at any point, depending on how well/bad this blogger is doing!

Christmas Eve

Hubby and I love Christmas and this year we spent it with Hubby's parents.
During the advent period we tried to get into the Christmas spirit as much as possible - buying new decorations for our new house, buying a new tree and wreath for the door. We went to the pub and had mulled wine, went round the local Christmas market, ate tons of mince pies and went to the cinema to see the latest Christmas film. We even bought a Christmas music CD to play in the car on our travels over the Christmas period. All this was nearly spoilt by a visit to hospital on Christmas Eve!

On 23rd I started getting bad period pains and passed a couple of small clots but didn't have any bleeding apart from slight spotting. On the morning of Christmas Eve the pain turned really bad but there were no more clots and the spotting was no worse. We were travelling to stay with family but an hour into the journey I couldn't bear the pain any longer and Hubby had to stop off at a hospital. I was seen quickly and given morphine which eventually dulled the pain.
A doctor came to A & E from the gyny ward and she was pretty useless - her summary of what I was going through was 'you've just panicked, and it's just a bad period'. How can it be a period without proper bleeding, and at no point during the extreme pain I was going through did I panic! Also she examined me and then walked off without saying get dressed and I'll be back! So I got dressed and after 30mins Hubby went and asked a nurse when she was coming back. He was told that she wasn't and we could go! Hubby asked had she left the pain killers or a prescription for me as she said she would, but she hadn't. The nurse was really nice and got another doctor to prescribe me painkillers.

Not a pleasant start to our Christmas!

In the early hours of Boxing Day I passed a large clot and I thought my period was starting but there was nothing more than the bit of spotting that I've had on and off since the Miscarriage bleeding tailed off. And yesterday (31st December) the spotting had almost gone completely!

I did have quite bad pains on 28th December, this time while travelling to stay with my Mum. I could tell that they were to do with my endometriosis and the pain killers the hospital had given me worked. I've had a few since then and realised that it is over a year now since I had the endo removed and perhaps I need another op to remove it again. So it looks like another trip to the docs is in order!

Not a great start to the New Year!

But on a positive note, well sort off - the pregnancy tests are finally negative! So the next positive one should hopefully be our forever baby!