A Pregnant Christmas - 24 weeks!

I have been so excited and wishing the days away until 25th December when our baby would be 24 weeks and what is classed as 'viable'. 

24 weeks is the cutoff point for when many doctors will use intensive medical intervention to attempt to save the life of a baby born prematurely including doing a cesarean section. Between 23 and 24 weeks is a "gray zone" where most doctors would not intervene. And below 23 weeks doctors are unlikely to do a cesarean section for fetal reasons and most neonatologist will not resuscitate a baby born before 23 weeks, and many won't resuscitate a baby born between 23-24 weeks.
A baby born at 24 weeks would generally require a lot of intervention, potentially including mechanical ventilation and other invasive treatments followed by a lengthy stay in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
Odds of survival increase as the pregnancy progresses, and even an extra week in the womb can make a difference. In general, premature babies born closer to 37 weeks will be much better off than those born before 28 weeks.

http://www.babymed.com/prematurity/pregnancy-viability-what-does-it-mean

 So when Christmas Day came I woke up and couldn't stop smiling and shed a few tears of happiness. We got lots of present for baby too as well as lovely cards:

 

From Marshie to Daddy          From Marshie to Mummy

To Mummy & Daddy from a good friend

 

 

  

 

  

We also went for our latest scan and consultant appointment and all is good. Baby is measuring on the 50 percentile so not too big or small!

 

My placenta is still lying low but there is plenty of time for it to move up. So I'm feeling good apart from heartburn but Gaviscon and Rennies are my new best friends!

Couples Classes

When I was 14w6d we went to a free early pregnancy class which was fun and it was nice to meet other pregnant couples and to start our pregnancy learning process. The class covered the female anatomy in pregnancy, the best birthing positions and some massage techniques that can help in labour. This is Hubby wearing a 9 months pregnancy suit:

Today Hubby and I went to our 2nd couples class run by my yoga teacher. The class was really good - at the end all the men said they didn't realise how involved they would need to be at the birth!
This class was also two hours long but we went about 30 minutes over and we all would have stayed much longer! We covered what the pelvis is like before and during pregnancy and how during labour the baby moves, comes down and out (ideally and some problems that may occur). We also talked about moves that can help if the baby is back-to-back or facing the wrong way. One of the moves is the Mayan 'sifting' massage which we all practised. This involves placing a scarf under my bump and moving it back and forth, such as this:

Another thing we talked about and practised was being comfortable in labour - preparing our environment as well as ourselves. Apparently we release the hormone 'oxytocin' during labour which is responsible for contractions which are responsible for the release of our bodies natural pain relieving endorphins. What we don't want during labour is to be too anxious or scared because we release adrenaline which reduces our level of oxytocin and can can slow down or stop contractions! We also should have the lights dimmed as we want the hormone melatonin to be produced and help with the contractions. Our instructor reminded us of how cats go off and find a private, safe, dark environment to give birth in. We too are mammals and this would be the natural environment for us to give birth in, not in a hospital room with bright lights and lots of staff in and out bossing us about.

So we should feel safe and have as much privacy as we want. The lights should be dimmed and Hubby and others shouldn't talk to me during a contraction, just support me, helping me with breathing techniques and massaging. Everyone should be positive and calm - no shouting.

The main thing for us though was actually talking to each other about our ideal birth and what we want and what we should do. We haven't really talked about it before because we still consider ourselves to be in the early stages! But we should be talking about it as it is best to try and sort out your plan early and get your head around things to be prepared for all eventualities. The class has also made the pregnancy more real for us. While practising labour we looked at each other and we couldn't believe that we are actually going to have a baby, we even remembered occasionally that Marshie was with us!

We were advised to write our perfect plan and read it over and over so that it becomes our positive focus and it really could happen that way, and so here is our first basic draft:

I go into labour in the night and Hubby stays asleep and rests. I stay in bed and try and sleep for as long as I can. When I feel the need, I get up and go into the nursery and visualise our baby in the nursery. I walk around or rock in the nursing chair with just the night light on. I take a bubble bath if I feel comfortable enough. I will go to the kitchen barefoot if I am hot as I like the cold granite floor. I will have plenty to drink and have my breakfast.
When I need Hubby I will wake him. I would like to take a short walk to the shop for magazines, sweets and drinks to take with us. I will watch TV on the birthing ball. We will time the contractions and ring the hospital for advice as to when to go in but we will stay at home for as long as possible/ for as long as I am comfortable. This will help me resist pain relief and help with our privacy and comfort.

When we go to the hospital I will give birth in the birthing pool. Hubby will be in pool with me towards the end and he will pass the baby to me and tell me what sex it is. We will wait until the umbilical cord finishes pulsing and then Hubby will cut it. I will stay in the pool if I am warm enough or hubby will get out and I will pass the baby to him. Hubby will do skin to skin until I'm dry and warm on the bed ready to continue the golden hour of skin to skin. Hubby can cuddle us both.

I don't want the injection and will pass the placenta naturally. I am looking into the Vitamin K drops for baby so we haven't got a firm decision on that yet. I will be breastfeeding.

That's where we are up to at the moment. A couple of things we need to think about are what hubby won't / will say during labour, and how we are going to handle the hardest thing for hubby - denying me pain relief when I say I want it, he's too nice!

My actual birthing plan and hospital bags contents will be another post a bit later on.

The main thing we have taken away from the class is that it's all about teamwork, and we make a great team!

22 Weeks!

Only 2 weeks to go until Christmas Day and 24 Weeks/Viability Day! So exciting but also nerve wracking. I'm not as relaxed as I have been since Friday when a car went through a junction and almost hit me. I was so shocked and had to take the day off work. All day I could hardly stop myself crying thinking about such a near miss - to have made it this far and someone's silly mistake could have taken it all away from us.

Anyway, extra careful driving and observation from me from now on, if only everyone else would do the same!

I can't stop smiling when I feel baby move. The movements are slightly stronger now and some of them feel really weird as baby swishes around my tummy! In bed in the morning and evening I spend time feeling my bump and feeling the baby move and kick - it is a special time. 

21 weeks

21 weeks 1 day evening pic

22 weeks

For weeks now Hubby has been reading to Baby at bedtime. He read that longer nursery rhymes can increase a baby's attention span and so our regular rhyme is 'The Owl and the Pussycat' by Edward Lear:

http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/ns/pussy.html

He follows this up with more rhymes or stories from a great book he bought. The other night he read 'Chicken-licken' - it made us smile, let alone the baby!

      

http://www.martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/oct2008/chicken-licken.html

Half-Baked! 20 Weeks!

I was so excited to reach 20 weeks, it was like it was my Birthday! What added to my excitement was that I got Hubby to feel my bump and see if he could feel any movement, and after a lot of patience, bump wiggling and stroking he felt two tiny kicks! He said it felt weird and I said trying having it inside you!

20 week bump

20 Weeks 1 Day was scan day and everything is perfect with Baby! We are so happy. It was also great as my Mum was allowed to come into the room and watch too!

Now it's the count down to Christmas Day and to 24 weeks! Sooooo exciting!

19 weeks, almost half way!

Exciting news - at 18 weeks 4 days Baby made themself known through kicks/movement! We had just gone to bed and I rubbed my tummy, and Hubby started talking and all of a sudden I felt two little thuds inside my abdomen. As I was telling Hubby that I thought I felt something, it happened again but much stronger so that there was no doubting it! Also the next morning during breakfast I felt  it again. It has made the pregnancy different some how - more real and exciting. It has also made me more impatient, I want Hubby to be able to feel the kicks and I want my big bump now!

I have been feeling much better, I do still get tired if I stay up later than 9pm though! I'm trying to swim twice a week, pregnancy yoga once a week and have started back at Body Balance. It is so nice to be at Body Balance and finally be the one that the instructor gives adapted moves to because I'm pregnant! I am also loving Pregnancy yoga. It isn't really a workout but helps you relax and teaches you good posture and breathing techniques and positions that can help during labour. It is great because I go with my friend who is 34 weeks pregnant and there are lots of ladies all at different stages of pregnancy, and at the end we have herbal tea and biscuits and chat. You learn a lot from the instructor and the other ladies. Also someone comes and talks to us at the end of the class such as a lady who was coming to the class right up to the birth. She brought her new baby and told us her birth story and we can ask questions and get advice and tips! We also go out and socialise and I am in my element just talking about babies non-stop!

 I have put on a total of 7lbs which is a healthy amount but still don't have much of a bump just look fatter:

17 weeks

18weeks

19 weeks

Although I don't have much of a bump, I have noticed some changes. In the morning when normally I would have a flat stomach, I no longer do and instead I have a hard round mound! Also in the night when I turn onto my side this mound moves and squishes, and when I turn onto my back everything feels heavy - it's not exactly a pleasant feeling and I wonder what it's going to be like with a big bump!

In other news I had the flu jab last night, I spoke to the GP about whether to have it or not and he said "Have you ever had flu, how did you feel?" Say no more, I've had it once in my adult life and couldn't get out of bed or eat, and so with so many people around me with colds and bugs at the moments I decided it was for the best!

Today I went for an early-bird antenatal class at the pysio department at the hospital. It was nice to meet other expectant Mums although we didn't really get a chance to chat but I could compare bumps! The class was all about posture and looking after our pelvis, it was interesting and I picked up a few tips that could help save my back when my bump gets bigger.

16 weeks / 4 months gone!

Yay, we've made it to 16 weeks! That means there is only 4 weeks until we are half way and 8 weeks until we are 24 weeks and baby is viable! That day is also Christmas Day!

So what has been happening since our dating scan almost four weeks ago?

Well, now I am in the 2nd trimester I am supposed to be blooming, feeling better and have loads of energy. That has not been the case! I've been a bit queasy and very tired, and I haven't been able to exercise. So being fed up of feeling like this I decided that during half-term I would have a blood test to see if I was iron deficient, start gentle swimming, get out a bit more and catch up on some sleep in the day if I need to. And as I come to the end of this week, I think I am feeling better! I have been swimming three times and out for a couple of walks and shopping sprees. I haven't needed a sleep during the day and I have only felt poorly for one afternoon - progress!

Some positive things that have happened are that around 15 weeks my uterus must have moved upwards in my pelvis and so I don't have to go to the toilet so many times in the night which is helping me sleep better. We have been listening to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and the heartbeat is stronger and louder and has also moved upwards. Also we can hear the baby kicking/moving with the doppler which is amazing, and we even think that baby responds to our voices sometimes (or maybe this isn't possible yet but is something we like to believe). 

On Friday morning at 16w3d I had my first consultant appointment which went well. I went in to see a nurse first and my urine was fine and my blood pressure was good. I got my blood test results back and they showed that my iron is 11.5 when the norm is 12-15 or something. But they won't give me anything for that as it is borderline and the iron supplements could cause more problems like constipation or upset stomach. They said my iron reserves are good though. The nurse said I'd see the doc soon and they would decide if they need to keep an eye on me or not, probably not as all looks ok. She also asked if I was feeling any movement yet and when I said no she said not to worry, it's just some people feel them early. I asked her when I would get my 20week scan appointment and she said around 19 weeks! I said that late? Apparently that's the norm!

Then I went in to see the consultant but he wasn't there and so I was seeing the registrar. He went over my history and decided that they would keep an eye on me for reassurance for me and for them. I am to be scanned and a consultation at 24 weeks and a few other times after that. He explained that after 24 weeks they can give me steroids to mature the baby if they feel it is necessary (I think he was just trying to reassure me that if the baby looked like it was coming early there are things they can do to help. There is no reason for my baby to come early but having had miscarriages, they are just reassuring me as much as possible).
He listened to the baby's heartbeat with a doppler and all is good and normal.
We discussed the fact that my Mum had a blood clot on the lung after having my youngest brother and I wasn't too worried because I've had blood clotting bloot tests which were all fine. These tests were done at the fertility clinic though and the hospital doesn't have a copy and so he was going to prescribe me low dose aspirin when the consultant returned and took over. The consultant decided that he would write to the Professor at the fertility clinic for copies of my previous blood clotting tests and not bother with aspirin for now. He was very nice and said I look blooming which shows that I have good blood circulation, also the fact that I am still tired is due to high progesterone making me tired but it is also a good thing. Basically he said all was good and I am doing really well. He said so I'll see you at 24 weeks but when he checked the calendar he saw that that would be Christmas Day, so we're seeing him on 28th December!

I've had to buy maternity bras as my boobs have grown, also bigger tights and sensible winter boots! I haven't got a bump yet but I am getting fatter - I'm waiting for the day when it is clearly a bump and not bloat! Also waiting very impatiently for those first feelings of movement!

So here is the bump update:

13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

Official NHS Dating Scan

So today we went to the hospital for our official dating scan and all was great. Baby was wriggling and rolling with hands in the air at first. However, when it came to the pictures baby did exactly the same as last time and rolled over onto their front and went to sleep! The sonographer thinks that the placenta may come in on the back wall and baby is using it as a pillow! Hubby and I sleep on our front, so I suppose it is only to be expected. 
They moved me forward again and I am now 12w6d and so tomorrow I will be 13 weeks and in the 2nd trimester. Also I will be 24 weeks on Christmas Day! I also have my official due date: 16th April 2013!

These are our latest pics - they are all upside down!

Bump or Bloat?

Bloat!

Bloating During Pregnancy — What Causes It

It almost seems that your jeans start to feel snug as soon as the pregnancy test comes back positive — and you can thank the hormone progesterone for that puffy phenomenon. While progesterone is essential for maintaining a healthy pregnancy (it is, after all, the pro-gestation hormone), it also triggers that oh-so-delightful trio: bloating, burping, and farting. Why? Progesterone causes the smooth muscle tissue in your body (including the gastrointestinal tract) to relax. This slows down digestion, giving the nutrients from food you eat more time to enter your bloodstream and reach your baby. That's the good news. The bad news is this slower metabolism can cause bloating.

Bloating During Pregnancy — What You Need to Know

Sorry, but that ate-too-much feeling you're experiencing is likely to get worse as your uterus keeps expanding and pressing on your stomach and intestines.

http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/symptoms-and-solutions/bloating.aspx 

When will I start to 'look' pregnant?

Whether it's because you are excited about being pregnant and want to show off your bump, or you're self-conscious about looking pregnant in front of family, friends and workmates before you're ready to break the baby news, don't expect to see any visual sign of a bump much before your second trimester (after 13 weeks). Indeed, you might not show a great deal much before your 16-18 week scan or check up.

Because women are all shapes and sizes, and in different states of physical fitness, it's hard to pin an average on when the bump will start to show, but the uterus will begin to noticeably get bigger at some point around 12 to 14 weeks pregnant for most mums-to-be.

However, before your bump is visible to the rest of the world you will notice a subtle difference – a button on your jeans that won't do up now, or certain dresses just don't fall right anymore. This is because the uterus is growing and begins to rise above the level of your pelvis. Its position is slightly higher on your torso and this, combined with its shape means you don't simply get a bigger tummy hanging over your waistline.

http://www.thinkbaby.co.uk/your-pregnant-body/when-will-my-bump-show/2087.html

All these photo's were taken a couple of hours after breakfast, so no cheating by taking them just after I'd gotten up when my stomach is at it's flattest!

So I'm not showing yet - just have a thickening waist!

Another 2 week wait!

The professor told us that the next two weeks are important and he wanted to see us again for a scan to see us safely to 12weeks. So next scan in two weeks when I will be 11weeks 5days.

10 weeks

So after my great Birthday weekend I was very tired but happy. I've started to get quite thirsty.

10w1d

Started to wean off the steroids today, from 20mg to 10mg - staying positive that I'll have no side affects.Went back to work after my week off resting and it is a great distraction.

10w2d

Still having weird dreams and sweating loads at night. I still also have to get up two or three times a night to go the loo and end up staying awake for a couple of hours, which is not helping my tiredness!
Listened to baby's heartbeat with doppler again this morning and I can find the right place almost straight away now. It is so lovely to hear the heartbeat, it's not just for reassurance but also helps me bond with baby.

10w3d

Today I got quite emotional about being pregnant. When I'm busy I forget for a short while that I am pregnant and so when I have a quiet moment it hits me again, and I think about the little baby growing and wriggling inside me!

10w4d

Had a bit of a scare - went to the loo and there was red blood when I wiped. My abdomen also felt tender and achy. I found it hard to get back to sleep and so I was awake from 3:30am for most of the night. I listened to the heartbeat in the morning and all was fine. I wasn't too worried as there was no more bleeding, I was just so, so tired.

10w5d

Felt so much better today after yesterday's drama. I listened with the doppler again this morning - it is now my morning treat, I only listen for about a minute but it makes me smile.

10w6d

Went for a walk with Hubby and we had a good talk about the pregnancy and how it is going. It was good to talk to him because although he is happy and always asking how I am, he seems quiet about the baby. It turns out that he was so sure that last time was going to work and it didn't that he has been finding it hard to get excited and it hasn't really hit him.

11 weeks

Well after our chat yesterday it seems that it has hit Hubby that we are going to have a baby! As we reach each week milestone we always read our pregnancy books and see what is happening to the baby and the mother's body that week. This week we were told that all the baby's major systems are in place and that the pituitary gland has started working. The fact that our baby is so much more human and developed has made it all the more real to him. We looked at 12week scans online so we could see what our baby could be like on Friday- we were both so excited and we're really hoping to see baby moving around. Hubby bought us a brilliant book that talks about the pregnancy day by day rather than week by week!:

11w1d

Reducing the steroids from 10mg to 5mg from today.

11w3d

Have been quite tired all week and feeling a bit queasy, it may be from the lack of steroids.
I've had a few aches on my left side which always worries me a little because that's what I had before the bleed. I've been ok though and it must just be growing pains!
I'm sooooo excited about the scan tomorrow. I can't wait to see how much baby has grown and I'm really hoping to see them move about.

11w5d

Scan day! It was amazing but all over so fast. Baby is measuring ahead again and instead of being 11w5d was 12w1d! The Prof gave me a picture but it's rubbish, I think it is of the back of the baby:

Luckily Hubby videoed most of the scan - amazing!:

Progress!

9w1d

Today is my 40th Birthday and this afternoon the nausea started to ease! Bring on the cake!

9w3d (moved forward to 9w5d)

I went for a scan today and I got a great picture:

Baby was asleep so the Professor gently poked my tummy and said 'wake up' and suddenly the baby started wriggling, moving arms, legs and head - it was amazing! Baby is actually measuring ahead, so from today I'm going by the scan measurements until they tell me any different at the 12 week dating scan.
I still have fluid in my uterus but they don't think it is blood but I'm not to lift anything, still can't exercise, no sex, and I have to take it easy. I'm going back to work though otherwise I'll die of boredom but I will be sensible! Next scan in two weeks.

We told Hubby's brother and wife today, and my Mum told my youngest brother because he is away for the weekend and we're telling everyone else tomorrow and wanted him to know too. I was quite emotional about telling them but also nervous about everyone knowing. It hits us a bit more each day that we are pregnant and that we are doing well!

9w6d

We used the doppler this morning and found the heartbeat straight away - what a great start to the day! Today was my Bithday party and we told our family and friends, it was so exciting and such a happy, happy occasion!

Emergency Scan

8w6d

So the Prof was able to fit us in for a scan at 1pm so I took the day off work and Hubby was off so he was able to come with me. He tried with the doppler before we went and again it took nearly 30minutes but he found it, so that was a big relief and prepared us better for the scan.

The Prof had trouble finding the heartbeat at first but we didn't panic knowing that we had heard it only a few hours before. She eventually got a great picture and the baby had grown since Friday and we could even see a faint outline of the spine. The baby was moving around again but she managed to measure it 9w1d!
There was no paper in the printer so no picture again, so on Friday I must get a picture ready to show people on Saturday - we are telling everyone at my Birthday party!

The Prof said I need to take it easy and rest so I am off work for the rest of the week.

Scare!

8w3d

Friday evening after the scan I went to the loo and there was the dreaded spotting, it was brown which normally means old blood. I decided to go to bed early and read and try and ignore it but I put a panty liner on to keep a check on how much there is. About 2 hours later I turned over in bed and felt a gush and ran to the loo and the panty liner was soaked in pink watery stuff. I put on a proper sanitary towel and waited for Hubby to get home. Shortly after telling him, I felt wet again and when I checked I had some red bleeding. My abdomen felt tender and I didn't feel very well.

Earlier in the day before the scan I had a stabbing pain in one particular spot and before the bleed I had it again. This one thing gave me hope because it seemed to be isolated. Also apart from a few more drips when I went the loo, the red bleeding had stopped by the next day.

8w4d

After a terrible nights sleep Hubby and I decided to try the doppler again. He tried for 25minutes and eventually he found it! We were so relieved!

We didn't got to A&E or anything because it was a weekend and we know from past experiences that there isn't much they can do for you at the weekend and we definitely wouldn't get a scan.

First Midwife Appointment

8w5d

The midwife was really nice and I was so excited to get my Maternity Green Notes which I am meant to carry round with me everywhere. She also said to let her know if I couldn't get a scan off the Prof tomorrow and she would try and arrange one.

I got lots of information about all sorts of things such as eating your 5 a day, getting the flu jab, and some pregnancy classes.

Fourth Scan

8 weeks

Loads of negative thoughts creeping in and I feel nervous and a bit panicky. I think this is because it was the 8 week scan when we found out it was all over last time.
Weighed myself and I haven't put a lot on which is good, have lost tone and look a bit bloated more than anything. We tried to find the baby's heartbeat with the fetal doppler I bought last time but it is probably still too early.

8w1d

Nausea has got slightly worse which you have to look at positively as a good sign even though I feel poo all the time. The only thing that works is being distracted such as at work, in the shower and swimming.
Chocolate milkshake is my latest thing to help, along with blackcurrent juice, dried strawberries, lollyices and of course chips!

8w3d
Hubby found the heartbeat with the doppler! He tried for ages and eventually we found it quite faint just behind my beat. You can tell the difference because it's so much faster. We were so happy!
By myself for the scan as usual but I felt ok knowing we had heard the heartbeat. The scan was great, the baby looks more like a baby and has a big head and little body and still has marshmellowy limbs. The amazing thing was that from 8weeks it starts to move and while I was being scanned it waved its marshmellow arm at me! I was in a different room today and there was no printer so no picture.

I let Mum tell my Aunty about the pregnancy because she is very ill and I hoped it would cheer her up plus Mum is fit to burst with excitement and needed to tell someone!

Third Scan

7weeks

My pregnant friend recommended bar extenders which have been a Godsend because my bras fit but are tight round my back and too uncomfortable with the bloating.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bra-Strap-Extenders-x6-2xBlack/dp/B002TI0I5S/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1347982015&sr=8-4

7w3d

Have been sleeping on high pillows which help with the food stuck high up in my stomach.
Had to goto the scan by myself again today. I have external scans now because I am thin enough and the baby is big enough to see. The baby measured 7w4d and had a strong heartbeat. It is at what I call the marshmellow stage because the limbs are just square looking like marshmellows.

Went for a swim afterwards and I was swimming along nearly crying with happiness and listening to a song that expresses how I feel - "Happy to see you, setting me off like sparks, you ignite all the colours inside my heart"

Second Scan

6weeks
Still having weird dreams, still got food stuck in my gut, still bloated, still got big boobs, still got nausea, and I'm grinding my teeth because of it, still got wind, still pregnant!

6w1d
Started back at swimming, I am determined to stay fit and healthy plus it will help my digestion.
Cannot go near the fridge, luckily I have such a good Hubby who cooks for me!

6w2d
I have to get up and have a big drink and my breakfast quite soon because of the nausea and hunger pangs!
Went for a swim again which is a good job as I ate a load of chocolate today - far more than I would ever eat in one sitting!

6w3d
Went for a swim again which hopefully will offset the portion of chips I had for lunch!
I had to goto the scan by myself as Hubby was working. I was fine about it, the worst part is the beginning of the scan when the Prof takes a few seconds to find the baby. He said more or less straight away "what a difference a week makes" and showed me the screen. I could see the yolk sac, fetal pole and the heartbeat clearly! Baby measured 6w2d.

Telling the Parents

5weeks3days

Got really excited as Mum arrived by train and I told her she would have to come with us to the clinic because I was going to ask for more Femara.  Really we were going to have our first scan!

The Professor scanned me and said very quickly "you're definitely pregnant and it is in the perfect place". On the screen we saw the sac, yolk sac and fetal pole:

The Prof looked at my ovaries and said that I have ovulated from my left ovary which was a big surprise because of my blocked left tube!

In the waiting room I gave Mum the scan picture and said "Look at that!" and she asked what it was and I said a baby! She was really shocked and started crying and asked if I had known!

5w4d

We all went to visit Hubbys parents. We had to wait all day to tell them because Hubby's Sister was there and also Hubby's Niece and Nephew were staying and we needed to wait until they went to bed. During the day everyone was having a drink and so I pretended to have a glass of wine but Hubby and Mum drank it when no one was looking.

At the dinner table when we were finally all sat down, Hubby asked me to stand up and said to his parents "How many people do you see standing there?" (He got this idea from Only Fools and Horses). His parents didn't understand what he was going on about so he told them I was pregnant so there is two! They were very happy for us!

5w5d

Hubby told his Grandad over the phone because he doesn't live near. We know he won't tell any one else. He is very happy for us and asks about us every day!

So the plan is to tell everyone else at my 40th Birthday meal September 22nd when I will be nearly 10 weeks!

The first pregnancy week

14DPO

I was really hot again last night and had to go to the loo a few time in the night. In the end I got up about 5.30am as I was wide awake and hungry!

We went on holiday and  I was impressed that during our 4 hour drive I managed to hold on for the loo until we arrived! However, I did then proceed to have the longest wee in the world! 

Boobs feel even bigger and hard today!

Got a bit stressed as I already have 4 mozzie bites driving me mad!

15DPO

Today after dinner the 'food sitting high in my stomach making me feel majorly uncomfortable' started and would last into my 10th week.

16DPO

Really bloated after food and it's repeating on me! Also have wind - embarrassing!

17DPO

Bought a pregnancy test whilst on holiday and then started worrying myself thinking I was perfectly happy and feeling very pregnant so why do a test? What if the test is blank or lighter than the last?

Anyway the test was very positive!

18DPO / 4weeks4days

Still having little panic moments when I goto the loo in case the dreading spotting starts. But I am relaxing more each day and telling myself not to be silly!

19DPO / 4w5d

Tiny bit of nausea after breakfast again!

Hubby and I had a good talk about all our fears and all the different stages we hope to reach, and also how we're going to tell our parents. For once we haven't told anyone yet!

20DPO / 4w6d

Been dreaming loads - not particularly good dreams. I'm hot at night and sweaty!

I've had a few twinges today that I've tried not to worry about. Now instead of repeating the baby names over and over, I sing this:

I love been looking at my pregnancy test all the time, seeing the two dark lines!

5 weeks

Did a digital test again today and got what I was hoping for:

Femara & TTC Naturally Round 2 = BFP!

At 9.30pm on 12th August at 12DPO I peed on  a Superdrug test and passed it to my Hubby. I proceeded to get ready for bed and left him to read the result.

Hubby: I took the test into the 'nursery' and watched hopefully as the pink pigment moved along the test. After only 30 seconds a very faint pink line was visible and it started to get darker and darker. I was filming the test with my video camera and I wanted to film Wifey's reaction but she was brushing her teeth, so I waited patiently staring at the line in disbelief. After about 2 minutes I gave up waiting and walked back  into the bathroom showing Wifey the test while filming her.

Meanwhile, because Hubby was taking so long to tell me the result my brain was doing overtime thinking either it hasn't worked or he would have been back sooner, or he's just timing it and will be back when the 3 minutes is up. I could see his shadow and even the sticks shadow when I looked into the hallway. From the shadow I thought he was holding the test up to the light to try and see a line. So when he came into the bathroom I just put my toothbrush down and tried to figure out the test he was showing me - I couldn't believe it, we'd done it!

All day I had been saying our baby names over and over in my head because it keeps me positive!

So did I have an inkling that this month could be the positive cycle? Well from 5 or 6DPO I had slight 'dodgy stomach' pains and I thought it was from drinking diet coke. Also my boobs were very sore, more so than I can remember in a cycle for a while. I had one episode of food repeating on me which Hubby thought was a sure sign as I had that last time. Just before I found out I felt a bit nauseous and very tired. Also I hadn't been snappy, a normal PMT sign. The final thing was I was sort of hopeful after getting a faint line last cycle - it gave me a feeling that it was possible!

13DPO I felt my breathing was slightly more heavier and I felt slightly dizzy. I peed on a digital test and got Pregnant 2-3 weeks!

We were going on holiday the next day so we went to the doctors and I got more high dose folic acid and steroids and informed the midwife. I rang to book a scan with the Professor but they said that unfortunately she was off when I was supposed to have my 6week scan so I would have to wait until 7 weeks. I decided I couldn't wait that long so I emailed the prof myself and she said that her colleague would scan me when I was back off holiday.

So apart from feeling fat because of massive sore boobs and bloating, I wasn't panicking too much and just felt calm and extremely happy. 

Initial due date based on LMP (last menstrual period) 24th April 2013.

Femara & Progesterone & TTC Naturally Round 1 = BFN!

The title says it all - I took the Femara CD2-6, I monitored OV with the CBFM and OPKs, we DTD on all my fertile days, and I started progesterone 7DPO, but still no positive test!

In fact this cycle has knocked me for six because I tested early  (a pregnant friend gave me some HTPs that she no longer needs) and on 12DPO I got the faintest line that gave us a glimmer of hope. I didn't feel pregnant and my usual spotting started but still surely you can't get a line if no HCG is present? So the next day I used two different tests and the line was no darker, in fact there was no line at all!!! Just cruel!

Here is the line at 12DPO (unless you are a TTCer you probably won't be able to see it and so I've marked it's whereabouts with red arrows but also it is difficult to see on a computer screen):

So I probably shouldn't write this update on CD1 when my emotions are running high thanks to AF but I figured that I should get some stuff off my chest and let people read how I really feel sometimes.

So I'm nearly 40 and still not a Mum or even pregnant - I don't want to hear "still plenty of time left". I don't feel old but fertility-wise I'm told I am old. Hubby is 5 years younger than me and has perfect swimmers, and men can father babies up to quite a ripe old age - am I making him feel old and that time is running out for him too?
Lots of people around me are pregnant or have recently had babies and although I am happy for them and I love babies I'm JEALOUS! There, I've admitted it - I can't help it!
I could could scream with frustration because there is nothing more I can do to help our situation or to speed up the process.

Most of all I feel that there is no one that fully understands what I am going through. I have a great support network and I know that I am loved but there is no one in the same boat as me. I'm not close to anyone in real life or online who is in a very similar situation who I can talk to. Someone who has tried for as long as we have, who has suffered losses, who has had operations and lots of treatments, and who is my age and so understands the added pressure and very real fact that it may never happen.

Don't get me wrong I'm very far from giving up but I could really do with a ray of hope!